"...bird poop, spiders, speeding cars and clowns."

At home, on my super awesome computer, I have a huge title that goes across my screen. I made it not too long ago. It simply says: "What is it that we fear?"

To anybody besides myself, it probably is just a strange vague question. I can see somebody reading this and saying: "Well, bird poop, spiders, speeding cars and clowns."

I try to think of it on a deeper level.

I want this question to drive me to explain to myself why I don't do things. By things, I mean, well, I'll put an example.

I know somebody I can help. I want to help them. At least something inside me is saying "help them." But for some reason, between point A and point B, that so-called 'desire' gets lost or something. No, it gets consumed by fear.

So then instead of leaving it there, not doing something and not asking why, I start to ask myself: What am I afraid of? What is holding me back from doing what I know I should do?

The honest truth is that we fear how people will react. It's natural for us to want to be liked. We want friends. We don't want people to hate us, think we're annoying, or anything of the sort. So if we're going to say something that we feel will be outside of somebody else's comfort zone, we hesitate. Their fabricated comfort zone suddenly becomes our fabricated comfort zone. We subconsciously make it one of those things we just don't talk about.

So, we become less and less active about reaching out each time we second guess what comes to us.

When I really think about it, it makes me laugh at myself. I think: "What, is he going to punch me in the face if I invite him to church?"

Or: "They're probably sleeping/busy/angry about something/tired of hearing the same ol' thing/whatever." Right. One or all of those things are always true... (Sarcasm)

To many of you readers, this might sound a lot like missionary work. Much of it is. I don't think they'd keep calling it missionary WORK if we'd stop being so afraid all the time.

Anyway, I've tried a little harder lately to just be prepared for anything and say it if I feel it needs to be said, or do it if I feel it needs to be done. It's actually really satisfying. The funny thing is, I feel more like I'm being myself. I also feel more comfortable doing it.

Maybe I should have said a few more specifics here. I have referred mostly to my attempts and fears at befriending others and also telling them about the Church and the Gospel I believe in. No, I don't want to force it down people's throats, but I love it and want to share it with those closest to me. Maybe I held back those specifics here because I knew that not everyone who reads my blog is a member of the Church I belong to, and that scared me. Hm, interesting.

Also...

Perhaps I've been generalizing too much in this blog. Perhaps this should be referring specifically to me and my own weirdness. But I don't think I'm the only weirdo out there.

I'll bet you're weird too.