"...bird poop, spiders, speeding cars and clowns."

At home, on my super awesome computer, I have a huge title that goes across my screen. I made it not too long ago. It simply says: "What is it that we fear?"

To anybody besides myself, it probably is just a strange vague question. I can see somebody reading this and saying: "Well, bird poop, spiders, speeding cars and clowns."

I try to think of it on a deeper level.

I want this question to drive me to explain to myself why I don't do things. By things, I mean, well, I'll put an example.

I know somebody I can help. I want to help them. At least something inside me is saying "help them." But for some reason, between point A and point B, that so-called 'desire' gets lost or something. No, it gets consumed by fear.

So then instead of leaving it there, not doing something and not asking why, I start to ask myself: What am I afraid of? What is holding me back from doing what I know I should do?

The honest truth is that we fear how people will react. It's natural for us to want to be liked. We want friends. We don't want people to hate us, think we're annoying, or anything of the sort. So if we're going to say something that we feel will be outside of somebody else's comfort zone, we hesitate. Their fabricated comfort zone suddenly becomes our fabricated comfort zone. We subconsciously make it one of those things we just don't talk about.

So, we become less and less active about reaching out each time we second guess what comes to us.

When I really think about it, it makes me laugh at myself. I think: "What, is he going to punch me in the face if I invite him to church?"

Or: "They're probably sleeping/busy/angry about something/tired of hearing the same ol' thing/whatever." Right. One or all of those things are always true... (Sarcasm)

To many of you readers, this might sound a lot like missionary work. Much of it is. I don't think they'd keep calling it missionary WORK if we'd stop being so afraid all the time.

Anyway, I've tried a little harder lately to just be prepared for anything and say it if I feel it needs to be said, or do it if I feel it needs to be done. It's actually really satisfying. The funny thing is, I feel more like I'm being myself. I also feel more comfortable doing it.

Maybe I should have said a few more specifics here. I have referred mostly to my attempts and fears at befriending others and also telling them about the Church and the Gospel I believe in. No, I don't want to force it down people's throats, but I love it and want to share it with those closest to me. Maybe I held back those specifics here because I knew that not everyone who reads my blog is a member of the Church I belong to, and that scared me. Hm, interesting.

Also...

Perhaps I've been generalizing too much in this blog. Perhaps this should be referring specifically to me and my own weirdness. But I don't think I'm the only weirdo out there.

I'll bet you're weird too.

Unusually happy...

Okay here we go again...

Another week gone and a new time to blog.

Today's blog will be slightly different than many of my other blogs. What I mean by that is that it will be a little more personal than most things I've written about before, with exception to writing about my brother Ben or writing about my missionary girlfriend Mary.

Aside from being downright exhausted over the last couple of weeks, I have noticed something else about myself. It's something not too extraordinary or out-of-this-world-weird, but it's a behavior change that has become a habit, or a consistent lifestyle.

Those who know me well know that I am usually pretty easy going and that I enjoy a good laugh. I'd consider myself a pretty outgoing fellow. Anyways, right after school started, I began to stress out a lot. Anyone who has worked full-time and gone to school full-time knows what I'm talking about. It's crazy. So I was getting very stressed out. I couldn't concentrate much at all and I just wasn't happy.

Lately, though, as I have previously mentioned, something has changed. I am what I call 'unusually cheery' considering the stresses of school/work/life that I have or should have right now.

Well, over the past 24 hours I have been thinking about the "why."

I guess what triggered my pondering was when I went to pay $139.00 to the Provo City Police Department for my speeding ticket I got a few weeks ago. I had to pay for my ticket and for traffic school, and it added up to that glorious amount.

So I walk in the building, and I'm sporting a cheap pair of sunglasses I found at a park in Provo during the summer. They are the 80's style shades, with black frames and hot pink sides. I've discovered how ridiculously good looking I am in them, so I can't ever stop wearing them....

Wow, tangent. So I walk in and I have to put all my metal objects in a little cup and put my backpack on the little conveyor belt x-ray machine thing. The security guard starts telling me how awesome those glasses are and that he used to wear them when he was my age and it was for sure "the thing." I'm glad I could take him on a retro journey with my stolen shades...

Then I go up to the desk and start making stupid jokes with the ladies that were working there. I'm asking about half-off coupons for tickets, or student discounts. You know, ridiculous things.

Then after a few jokes and laughs, I stopped and something hit me.

"I don't think I've ever been this upbeat while paying for a ticket before." That was only my second ticket in my life, but what I was really getting at was: "There's got to be a better reason for me being jovial right now. It definitely isn't this ticket."

So long story short (or a little shorter) is this: The only thing different about the me now and the me a few weeks ago has been my increased effort to be more spiritual. It has been an exceptionally slow process, but I have been patient with myself as I try to climb a spiritual ladder, striving for a higher personal plane. (plain?).

I 'blame' part of this on the classes I am enrolled in at the UVU Institute. I have been more opened to exploring, discovering, and pondering about the scriptures of God. And to say it quite frankly, I don't really care if you don't share the same beliefs as me, that's your right. But I have no shame in saying that I believe whole-heartedly in God and in His Gospel. My efforts to be more spiritual throughout my life have proven to be the 'molding' moments. They have shaped me into who I am today, and that is a person I am pretty happy with right now. Now, obviously, I say and do a lot of really ridiculous things, but I love to laugh at myself more than almost anything else.

But I'm happy. 'Unusually' happy.

My Life as of NOW

Okay, start typing and see what happens.

This time of my life seems to be super stressful. Let's try to identify why.

My daily routine is as follows: Get up at six in the morning, be to work by half past seven, and work until 2:30. From there I have class Mondays and Wednesdays from 3-5, and from 6-8:30. Tuesdays and Thursdays I have class from 5:30-7:20. I also have a Saturday class that goes from 10:45 until 1:15. My only "day off" from school is friday.

So these are the classes I'm taking right now:

First and foremost, I am taking two classes at the Institute. I have a Scripture Study class and a class on the Doctrine and Covenants of the Church. I love both of those classes. They are fantastic. I have already learned a ton and we are only a few weeks in.

Next, I am taking a Communications class called "Writing for the Mass Media." That class is pretty cool. I am learning a lot about the media and different parts of society and all that good stuff. I also have to do a lot of reading for this class, including the New York Times Front Page everyday, so I feel like I am learning a ton and I am up-to-date on the happenings of the world. It's a sweet class.

My next class is a Digital Media Class. It's Digital Media Essentials 1110. It's a beginners multimedia class. I really like that class even though I am familiar with most of the things we are working with. It's a good class to have cause I get to brush up on a lot of the things I learned in high school. I'm most excited for the video portion, even though I'll probably know everything about it. That sounds really conceded, but remember, this is a beginners class. It is all about the basics, and I promise, I know at least the basics of video editing. I'm not as creative as I would like to be though. Good ol' creativity.

My final class is Spanish 3050. It's the advanced Spanish class at UVU. I really like that class too. It challenges me. It pushes me to get out of my comfort zone and learn more Spanish. I developed the language while serving a mission in Southern Mexico, but I feel like there are so many things I just don't know or understand, and this class is helping me overcome that. I am learning a lot each week.

So that's my school schedule. My work life is pretty crazy. A lot of people ask me what exactly I do because I work at a high school. It's an amazing job. I am part of the Support Staff at IHS, under the title of "Hall Monitor" or "In School Suspension Coordinator." The title of Hall Monitor is pretty self-explanatory. Watch over the halls. Make sure things are in order. "I.S.S. Coordinator." That's a good one. We have a no tardy policy at IHS, so if any student is late, they have to go to in school suspension for the rest of that class period. They are also sent there for behavioral issues as well.

I also work with the Assistant Principal, Boyd, working with student discipline. We work a lot with the students that have gang involvement, and work with gang prevention at the school. Needless to say, I have learned a great deal from this job.

This is my second year at IHS. Last year, I was able to help out with the basketball team. I was kind of a "co-head coach." Maybe that's not accurate. Either way, I split the coaching duties with an eager volunteer by the name of Josh. He has worked a lot to help these kids.

I think my favorite part (and, at times, my least favorite part) about this job is the interaction I have with the kids. It is my favorite because I honestly see a lot of good and a lot of potential in these kids. They are good kids, even if they are just trying to be tough, or gangsters, or whatever. I get along with nearly all of them, and it has been a great experience being able to be of some help maybe to these kids.

I also say it's my least favorite part of the job too because I can't stand to see good kids lose it and drop out, get pregnant or get someone pregnant, fail classes, stop caring, fight, or whatever else happens over there. It's hard to see that. It reminds me of my life as a missionary, seeing people know that the message we bring will change their lives so much for the better, yet they walk away from it. It was hard to see that.

So that's my life right now. It's pretty crazy. It's not nearly as exciting in word form though. But trust me, I have crazy moments. Things seem to be moving about a million miles an hour. The weeks just fly by and sometimes I feel like I'm just barely scraping by.

I like that time is flying though. My girlfriend Mary is serving a mission in Switzerland and she'll be home in November, so the faster time goes the better. I can't wait to see her again. Woohoo!

The GOP Convention

I just spent the last twenty minutes or so watching Governor Sarah Palin address the crowds at St. Paul Minnesota.

When I first heard that John McCain had chosen some "no-name" governor from Alaska, my first thought was: "Well, I'm not voting this election I guess."

I have read several articles over the past few days and my opinion has begun to change slightly. I knew from the start that I was making a very ignorant decision because I honestly had no idea who this person was.

Tonight I was blown away by Governor Palin. She is a newcomer to the national scene but it did not seem that way tonight as she stood confidently and addressed the millions watching her all across the country.

After just a few moments of watching and listening to Sarah Palin, my opinion changed completely. Now, instead of being the downfall to the McCain Campaign, I believe she is now the strongest asset that this campaign has.

From powerful bashes against the Democratic Ticket to promises of faithful leadership, she seemed to posses and address everything the truly conservative voters perhaps feared was missing with their party this election.

I am anxious to see what kind of affect this speech has on the entire flow of the campaign. God Bless America!