Saturday I lost my brother Ben. He died of natural but unknown causes. My sweet mother found him lying on the ground in our backyard late Saturday night. It has been an earth-shattering experience for my family.
I still find myself in shock. It is really hard for me to believe that he is really gone. I think I will have to actually see his body lying there in the casket before I really believe it. We were supposed to see Ironman this Friday. I'll be at his funeral instead.
Today we had to clean up his room and clear everything out because my brother and is wife are moving in tonight. It was a difficult thing for me to do. I needed to though, because I had to face it. I needed to come to terms with it and really understand that my brother is dead. I will never come home to find him laying on his favorite recliner watching the Discovery Channel again. We will never be able to talk about and go see great movies again. Fishing will always have a certain void to it.
If I could pick one word to describe my brother Ben, I would say 'courage.' When we say that everyday is a battle, that was an especially true term for him. He fought mental illness every single day of his life and I admire him for it.
I am really grateful for the day I was able to tell him that. I said, "Ben, I know I could never understand what you go through, but I want to say that I know you experience things that none of us will ever understand and nobody else could deal with it as well as you can. I really admire you for that." I'm glad I had the opportunity to tell him that.
Partially as a result from this, my other brother Adam and his wife Nicole will be moving back here to Utah, and temporarily back to my parents house. I am ecstatic. I am so happy that they are coming back. I would have missed them so bad this summer. It's too bad things didn't work out so well for them in California, but I am so happy they are coming back.
So that's the story. I can't stop coughing, but I don't really care. A few years ago I made his wedding video. Tomorrow I start his funeral video.
8 comments:
So sweet. This really touched me. Isn't it wonderful the knowledge we have of the Plan of Salvation?
We love you and are here for you Mckay. My family is praying for yours.
Hey Mckay,
I'm so sorry about your brother and that your family has to go through this. Please let us know if we can do anything for you guys. We love your family and you are in our prayers.
McKay, My prayers go out to you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss. You are awesome and I know everybody at IHS is praying for you also.
Mckay,
I know we don't talk or see each other alot. I saw your mom today and she told me what happened. I love your mom she is such an amazing woman. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened but it's truly amazing to have the knowledge of the gospel and to know that you will see your brother ben again. Many people are out there praying for you and your family.
Oh my gosh Mckay I just found out about Ben. I'm so sorry. I guess it's a good thing he moved home not too long ago so you could spend more time with him. We love you Mckay!
I am so sorry. I wish there was a better way to say that to you. Your family is amazing. Know that my prayers are in your behalf. Your post was amazing, stay strong,
Malerie
Mckay,
I'm so sorry about your brother. I hope you and your family are comforted.
Oh Mckay, my heart goes out to you and your family. I am so sorry. Your family is wonderful and you guys are so loving and strong. I hope the best for you in things to come!
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